Taliban: The Movie

by Lorna Salzman

National Inquirer interviews key players in "alms for missiles" scandal.

NI: research and disclosed documents indicate that American military aid to Pakistan has been going to the Pakistan Inter-Services Intelligence (ISI) for years, which uses it to fund, equip and train the Afghanistan Taliban as well as Taliban in the Afghanistan-Pakistan border area, and that these weapons and American Stinger missiles we provided Afghanis for fighting the Soviets are now killing American troops in Afghanistan. Did your administration know about this?

Bill Clinton: Now, there's no proof yet, but I've got an exclusive story for you if you'll let me show you this blue dress...

NI: it appears American military aid to Pakistan goes to its ISI which is arming and training Taliban to kill Americans in Afghanistan. Did your administration know about this? If so, what did it do about it?

GW Bush:"This foreign policy stuff is a little frustrating. I am surprised ...at the amount of distrust that exists in this town...I'll work hard to try to elevate it."

NI: documents show that the billions in American military aid you got have gone to the ISI which is arming the Taliban and therefore helping kill Americans.

Zardari: Absurd. The ISI gets plenty of money from bake sales.

NI: There is proof that the Taliban are supported by the Pakistani ISI whose funds from American military aid are used to kill Americans in your country.

Karzai: Nonsense. The Taliban gets all the money it needs from the opium trade, thanks to the very small commission my brother extracts.

NI: it appears that the Stinger missiles you gave to the Afghanis to fight the Soviets are in Taliban hands and are killing Americans.

CIA: Our Stinger missiles? Puhleease..these are all old and preowned and probably don't work any more. (making secret note to self to order new ones).

NI: Those missiles you got to the Muhjahdeen in Afghanistan are now in Taliban hands thanks to the aid we gave to Pakistan and its ISI.

Charlie Wilson: Pardon me while I roll over in my grave.

NI: There are many credible reports going back to the mid 1990s, and more recent ones, proving that American military aid to Pakistan goes to its ISI which uses it to fund, equip and train the Afghani Taliban which in turn uses it to kill American troops. Has your administration known about this? If so, for how long? And why does it still send Pakistan military aid that ends up killing our troops?

Obama (shuffling through notes given him by Hillary Clinton and Benjamin Rhodes): "We are partners joined in common cause" and "the status quo is not acceptable". Can we take a short break? I promised Zardari I would get this $500 million check out in this afternoon's mail.

© 2002 Lorna Salzman. All rights reserved. Material may be quoted with permission.