March 14, 2002, New York Times, p. 1: "Florida town Finds Satan An Offense Unto It"
by Lorna Salzman
Mayor erects signs banning Satan from entering Inglis, Florida
Now available! a new cleaning and healing service for those individuals and towns infested by Satan.
Have your friends and neighbors become an Offense Unto Thee? Are you plagued by phone call hang-ups, inexplicable dead mice on your back porch, strange people walking along the street with their palm glued to their ears, unrecycled bottles, meat eaters, talking in movie theaters, loud music, dust balls under your bed, restaurants serving fried insects,missing socks?
You are not alone. You are only one of millions of people whose personal space has been invaded by the Supreme Alien, Satan (a/k/a Mephistopheles, or his assistant Lucifer, who has been known to pretend to be the Devil).
Satan has many disguises. In Florida, for example, he took over a entire town by occupying the soul of the town's mayor , instructing her to deceive residents into thinking she could get rid of the devil. He made her put up a large sign on the main road saying: Satan Is Banned Here. The result of this: one third of the town cringed in fear of the devil, one third made jokes, and the other third signed a petition in support of Satan. Thus, according to Satan's plan, the town was divided into factions, each distrustful of the other.
Fear no more. Help is near. We have trustworthy teams who can clean up all Satanic detritus: the SATANIC NURSES. These teams have been programmed by a unique genetic engineering method that drives out all contaminants from their DNA. They come certified as Satan-Free or your money back.
For a small fee these teams will come into your home or town and CLEAN IT UP. (Note: no priests or salesmen will call). We provide all cleaning materials and disposal of wastes or your money back. Or if you prefer we can provide a contract for monthly or yearly cleaning, to give you peace of mind.
Don't delay. Satan is all around us, looking for ways to enter our bodies, homes and towns. Vigilance is in order but it is not enough. Only the Satanic Nurses can do the job.
Call today for a free demonstration. When we are done your town can put up a sign with pride: The Devil Stops Here. That means no more Springtime for Satan.