Creationists Are Space Aliens, New Study Contends
by Lorna Salzman
A new theory, published in the Journal of Mensonges Modernes, proposes that creationists and proponents of "intelligent design" are actually space aliens that landed on the earth in the early 20th century, intent on overturning modern science and the Enlightenment.
The first alien to land was William Jennings Bryan, who declared himself a presidential candidate and then assumed his first task of debunking the entire scientific foundation of biological thought by attacking Tennessee teacher John Scopes for teaching evolution. He sneakily pretended he was a Christian human by making references during his campaign to a "cross of gold".
In order to avoid detection, Bryan "died" several days after the end of the famous "Monkey Trial", which found Scopes guilty and fined him $1.
Researchers have now assembled thousands of public statements issued during the 20th century and the early 21st century by creationists, proponents of "intelligent design" and their supporting institutions, into which the space aliens have successfully implanted themselves in the form of learned scientists possessing advanced scientific degrees or employed in respected academic departments.
Suspicion of the origin of anti-science and anti-evolutionary thought was aroused on many occasions during the past century but the most convincing evidence is found in the continuing refusal of the anti-science/anti-evolution proponents to agree with their adversaries on a set of rules and conditions for testing their beliefs that a supreme being created the earth 6000 years ago and that humans did not evolve from earlier nonhuman species but were specially created by that being.
Reputable scientists tried vainly for decades to persuade these anti-science forces to sit down and formulate a set of tests for their beliefs, stating that their own theories about evolution and life on earth would be willingly put to the same tests. But the anti-science people refused to agree to such tests nor were they able to produce any evidence that could itself be tested. Nonetheless, the creationists continued to press for schools to include their untested beliefs in their curricula.
Scientists concluded that these people, entirely lacking in the universal capacity for reason and logic, had not evolved on the earth along with other humans but must have been created by their own supreme being to live on another planet, where they were instructed to invade the earth and smother scientific thought so as to allow their alien theology to take over this planet.
The only part of the theory that remains a mystery is how these space aliens managed to infiltrate the leading universities and science departments of the United States and convince them to award them degrees in science. Most likely these aliens were endowed with a superhuman ability to avoid detection and to convince their superiors that they did in fact possess human intelligence to some degree. As a result, they have been somewhat successful in embedding themselves in rural community school boards, where they continue to harass teachers of evolution and librarians who have copies of Darwin's writings.
Because of these ongoing attempts to subvert the entire science and educational communities of the United States and allow the takeover of American society by alien thought and deities, a new Dept. of Scientific Security is being established that will have greater technological and psychological capabilities of detecting frauds and infiltrators.
The editors of the Journal of Mensonges Modernes have generously agreed to allow the anti-science and anti-evolution proponents to personally present evidence to the journal that they are not space aliens. They promise publication of this evidence if and when it is forthcoming.